On a day dedicated to the lives of those that fought for their country, Remembrance Sunday found itself staging another battle between two foes, both alike in dignity, in fair Wigston where we lay our scene.
There were worrying signs for the Fosse rearguard prior to the match as the Senegalese goalkeeper, renowned for his ability to root anything with legs, was still not at the ground 30 minutes after the original meet time. At 10am comfort was brought back to the side as the flambouyant keeper marched over the car park, his hands still glistening with vaseline, apologised and complained that the streaming on his pre-match porno had held him up.
The minute's silence was respected by both sides and Fosse found themselves up against a team of the month for the second week running.
It was a fiery start to the match with tasty tackles being dished out all over the battlefield. It wasn't until the 20th minute that the deadlock was broken. A Fosse corner on the right was floated to the back post by Goddard for Barnett to power home with his forehead, affectionately nicknamed "the jackhammer".
Magna Town were quck to respond to the Fosse opening goal, as their powerful centre forward flicked on a ball into the path of his 12 year old strike parter who fired the ball under the keeper. A classic little and large partnership akin to the Heskey - Cottee strikeforce so successfully deployed at Filbert Street in the late 90s.
Both sides went in at half time as the scoreline read 1-1. A halftime teamtalk governed by the Fosse centre back, Olly Mirs, addressed the areas of weakness in the first half. During the teamtalk, the Fosse keeper was seen rubbing his crotch, with a wry smile declaring his porno should be fully downloaded by now.
It wasn't long after the break that Fosse took the lead for the second time in the match. A throw in from the right was launched in by the Scandinavian arms of Bryan Bayliss. Fosse's Polish midfielder, who was heard bragging prior to the game that he had cleaned 112 cars on Saturday, flicked the ball onto Goddard. Goddard's shot was blocked and fell to the feet of Morgan, who fired up by his pre match drug cocktail of E, heroine and a shot of Red Bull, fired in a shot that was also blocked by the backguard. The ball then fell to Barnett who dodged a couple of challenges and rifled an arrow under the Magna keeper, Michael, the youngest son of Gordon Strachan.
At this point the next goal was crucial, and to the joy of the Fosse fanbase, it fell to the Fosse. The Magna centre half, who had been faultless up to this point, found his pants around his ankles as the Fosse forward, Bayliss, robbed him in the 18 year box and calmly curled a ball around the stranded keeper. Bayliss was heard comparing it to taking candy from a baby, something he has unashamedly admited to doing on several occasions.
But, as the Fosse faithful were piping up with chants of " Two World wars, one World Cup, and an Alliance league fixture", Magna delivered a sucker punch as they brought the game back to 3-2 following more good work from the front two.
Following a diagonal dart across the pitch by the Fosse winger, a ball was played back to the 4ft6" Fosse left back, Dan Arne Reece. The man, with the first touch of a brick wall, was heard squealing "bobble, bobble, bobble" as the ball rolled towards him. As if by some supernatual power of the mind, the ball did follow his commands as it reached his feet, and the Fosse midget sliced the ball out of play. The ageing full back was spotted in the Vikings Tun following the game staring into a pint of Carling repeating his "bobble" commands under his breath.
At 3-2, Fosse found themself presented with a free kick 30 yards out. Goddard pushed his team mates aside and paced up to the ball to strike a rocket that unfortunately cannoned off a Magna defender. The sheer power of the initial strike forced the rebounded effort the length of the pitch into the Fosse area. Dean Morgan was quick to chase back and alleviate any danger. The young midfielder, currently being monitored by the dubious goals committee for his arrogant cigar smoking antics prior to his goal last week, carried the ball up the pitch and played a ball into the chest of Ryan Bayliss. The ball stuck to the tricky centre forward, who turned and played a ball down the right channel for Goddard to chase onto. Goddard, successfully manoevred past the full back and centre back before taking on the keeper and delicately chipping a ball into the path of Jamie Barnett to gleefully force the ball over the line.
Final scoreline 4-2. Both sets of players visited the Vikings Tun following the game with the exception of the flambouyant Senegalese Fosse keeper who was quick to jump on his bmx and finish off the massage of his single barrel pump action yoghurt rifle.
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